A Guide to Heartful Communication Using the Enneagram and Meditation

“Surely there is a window from heart to heart;
They are not separate and far from each other.
Two earthenware lamps are not joined,
But their light is mingled as it moves.”
--Rumi

When our relationships are good, life is good! One of life’s most enduring joys is a good “heart to heart” talk with a friend, lover, parent, child, coworker, or sometimes even with a perfect stranger. On the other hand, one of the things that can cause us the most pain is when communication with a beloved other, family member or colleague breaks down. Have you ever lamented…I just can’t seem to get through to him...or said to yourself No matter what I say she takes it the wrong way? For most of us there is someone in our lives with whom communication is difficult. We want to have a “heart to heart” talk, but don’t know how to make it happen. Instead, we talk “at” one another. Our attempts to communicate have an unhappily predictable outcome in which I say something…then the other person says something back…and then I think to myself, oh no, here we go again! But then I say the same thing for the umpteenth time anyway, hoping against hope, maybe this time will be different! But we go round and round again and there is no connection, no understanding, and no resolution.
From our own experience, we know that positive communications leave us feeling uplifted, relaxed, and energized, but after a negative encounter we are likely to feel down, stressed, and drained. Research data now shows that the communication exchanges we have with others actually have an immediate effect on our blood pressure, heart rate, and immune system. In short, good communication makes us healthier, and bad communication makes us sick!